The Means to Escape
by Babiip
Summary: Dark Ichihime. Not sadistic, but very angsty and contains exploration of darker themes. Involves cutting.


Hey y'all! It's me, babiip! I am now posting my very first one-shot! Actually, I have finished a story before, but I haven't written any one-shots before! Hehe... It's actually inspired by one of copper's fic, but I won't say which.

This is dedicated to all of you ichihime fans out there! Write more! We need more Ichihime loving in this world, cuz babiip says so!

Oh, and as a reminder, box cutter = utility knife = razor blade knife = carpet knife = Stanley knife = stationery knife = cutter = Japanese knife = cortadores. Wow that was long.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach. If I did, Icihime would have happened already.

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Kurosaki Ichigo held the utility knife in his hand. He knew that if he started, he wouldn't be able to stop. It was his choice. Either he stops now, and everything stays the same, or he can take a step forward, and rid himself of all the pain and guilt.

He chose the latter.

Pushing the blade slowly out of the holder, extending the blade, Ichigo slowly moved the box cutter to above his hand, holding it just once centimeter over his wrist. Letting out a deep sigh, Ichigo slip the knife over his exposed flesh, cutting it open.

His skin was slitted open instantly. Crimson liquid oozed out of the wound, and the pain did not even make Ichigo flinch. He was used to pain hundreds and thousands times to it. However, he was not a sadist. He did not enjoy pain. He did savour the clarity of mind that the pain seemed to bring, though. He had noticed it when he was fighting. The greater the pain he was in, the clearer his brain got, it was as though all thoughts had been cleared out of his head.

He had wanted to escape from his thoughts ever since he had returned from Hueco Mundo with Orihime. The lack of mind-occupying universal fiascos allowed him lots and lots of time to think, which he did not appreciate. He had failed. He had promised Orihime that he would protect her, he had vowed that he would keep on becoming stronger.

But he had failed.

He had allowed Orihime to be taken away by Ulquiorra. He had allowed the arrancars to torment her, to mistreat her, to humiliate her. He couldn't even keep his promise and protect the one he loves.

That's right. He loves Orihime.

He was unsure when he had started falling in love with her, but he was sure he did. Somehow, sometime, this bubbly, ditzy girl had wormed her way into his heart, latched herself firmly there, and had even planted a sign with the words "Property of Inoue Orihime". He knew that she would not be that possessive, but he also knew one thing.

He also knew that she would never love him back.

How could she anyway? She was beautiful, she was kind, she was considerate, polite, cute, sympathetic, graceful, imaginative, cute, lovely, humorous in her own right, selfless,…

She was everything that he was not.

How could an angel princess like Orihime fall in love with him? The answer is simple: She would not. An amazing person like Orihime simply would never fall in love with a bad-tempered, rude, disgusting, hateful, apathetic, cold, poor-mannered punk like him. There was no way.

And he knew that. He had repeated the fact to himself every time his heart fluttered when he saw her, every time he felt the urge to smile when he listened to one of her crazy stories, every time he wished to hold her in his arms and never let go. He knew it by heart, he had every reason analyzed, he should have been completely persuaded and had stopped loving her.

But why did it still hurt so much? Why? Why? Why?

As Ichigo's mind came to this point, he felt the sadness and guilt rise up again, and raised the box cutter for another cut. He wanted to escape again.

"Just what the hell do you think you are doing, Kurosaki Ichigo? Put that DOWN!" the voice belonging to the girl in his mind screamed. The girl he had vowed to protect. The girl he loves.

The girl he had failed.

Ichigo's eyes snapped wide open, and he dropped the utility knife to the floor. He snapped his face to witness the most furious expression he had ever seen on the princess's face. Her brows were knitted together, her nostrils were flaring, and smoke was almost coming out of her flaming ears. The most frightening aspect was her eyes. Emotions, masked or unmasked, were sparkling in them. The emotions were storming in her grey orbs, like objects in a storm. Anger, confusion, worry, hurt, frustration, love, all had been shown clearly in those eyes.

Kurosaki Ichigo had been shocked, to say the least. There were a lot of reasons though. He feared that he had been discovered. He was dazed because it was the girl whom he loves who had found him. He was taken aback because she had never raised her voice at him. He was shell-shocked because he had never heard her raise her voice at anyone. He was horrified by the raw emotions swelling up in her eyes.

Her breath picked up pace, the emotions in her eyes continued to intensify, and tears welled up at the corner of her eyes. Then, in a second, they were all gone. Like the emotions ad never existed. Like she had turned into one of those mecha robots she loved so much.

She strode towards him, taking large, confident steps. She was staring intently at the knife on the floor, and her expression worried Ichigo. Deep down, he knew that she would not hurt him. The girl could never even hurt a fly, let alone one of her nakama. However, the non-characteristic features that she was displaying this moment were unsettling. The cheerful, bubbly girl that would suddenly jump up and claim that she had seen an UFO had abruptly changed into an emotionless robot, and that scared him. He could sense that something terrible was going to happen.

And how right he was.

As she arrived at the utility knife, she picked it up, wiped it with an alcohol wipe, and asked, "Kurosaki-kun, how did you feel when you cut yourself?" The question itself was not quite as surprising as the way Orihime had asked it. It was drained of all emotions, unwavering and mechanical. His blood froze, but he answered anyway, even when all cell in his body pleaded him not to.

Something, something horrible was going to happen.

He answered, "The pain… It takes my mind off things. Things which I would rather not think about."

She answered curtly. "I see." Then, taking a glance at the knife, and her left wrist, she slowlt raised the utility knife, and, to Ichigo's utmost terror,

She cut herself.

Everything went blank in Ichigo's mind. Not before blood began dripping from Orihime's wrist did Ichigo finally snap back from his trance. He returned to see Orihime gazing at her bleeding wrist indifferently, and was petrified to see her raise the utility knife once more, and…

Ichigo dashed to her, and held her hand holding the knife above her wrist firmly. Rage and worry coursed through him, and all coherent thoughts had left his mind, leaving only fine trails of aggravation and fury. "What do you think you are doing? Stop right his instant! Drop the knife!"

Orihime looked at him with unyielding coldness. Nonetheless, she dropped the knife, and it hit the floor with a dull _clunk_. Ichigo was beyond himself. He felt his wrath continue to grow as he witness her indifference, "What were you thinking? You could have cut a major artery and died!"

Her voice was steadfast, unyielding, and emotionless. "I wanted to get away. I wanted to get away from those thoughts which I do not want to think about." Her answer's familiarity landed a rock of guilt into his stomach. However, he did not stop, as he pressed on, 'Do you know how that would make the people who care about you would feel? Tatsuki, Rukia, Chad, Mizuiro, Chizuru… Did you think about how they would feel? Did you think about how that would make ME feel?"

His breathing had become erratic, and his chest was heaving up and down. Although he hadn't done a lot of talking, he felt like he had just spoken for three hours non-stop.

Oriihme broke into bitter laughter from the irony of it all. A sharp, shrill, bone-chilling screech that resembled a hollow cry more than a sound made by a human. A sound so horrible that could never be imagined in the wildest dreams, and yet it had come from the most innocent person Ichigo had ever met. Guilt creeped across his heart, not because he had been discovered, not because she had yelled at him, but because he had caused her to act like that.

Letting all of go the stored up emotions run wild in one go. Tears were now spilling over her face, and her face was contorted in a cross between a smile and a grimace, with anger and frustration thrown into the mix. It was a maniacal expression, twisting her face into scary angles, and Ichigo did not like seeing her like that. It scared him. He was scared that she would hurt herself again.

This time around, Orihime's reply was full of emotions. She pointed a sharp, accusing finger at Ichigo, and screeched, "You! What did you think when YOU cut yourself? You ever thought of us? Yu ever thought of me, huh? I love you, for God's sake!" There was a brief moment of silence, of stillness, induced by this sudden revelation. However, Orihime went on, "There! I've said it! I, Inoue Orihime, who was supposed to be the freaking third smartest student in Karakura High School, fell in love with a COWARD!"

The feat seemed to have taken quite a toll on Orihime, as she stayed still for a few minutes, unable to move, unable to talk, unable to do anything.

The pause gave Ichigo time to think. As he gt over the initial shock, the facts began to set in, and his mind began to run. _She was right… I am a coward… Instead of facing them, I tried to run away from them, worrying my family, my friends, and Orihime. _As he thought of the girl, he realized something which have been said. _She said she loves me…_ Knowing now that his love is requited, Ichigo felt joy and warmth spreading from his heart. However, the delightful sensation soon faded, as he knew he had to inform her of his love.

As soon as Orihime became able to move, she turned on her heels, and began to walk away. _That's it. I can't take it anymore. There's too much pain involved. I have to stop lo-_

Her thoughts were cut off by the boy whom she was thinking of. Ichigo had ran in front of her, took her into his arms, and forced her into a smothering embrace. She thrashed and squirmed, trying to escape, but she soon relaxed, and broke down in tears.

Seeing Orihime like this tore Ichigo's heart into half. Knowing that she loved him, yet he had done this to her made the matter worse. He could only mutter, "I'm sorry" over and over again as he held her tightly against his chest, afraid to let go. Tears were now coursing down his face too, and there were occasional sharp intakes of breath.

When both of their crying had ceased, he gently cupped her face, lifted it up to face his, looked straight into those grey orbs of raw emotions, and whispered, "I love you, Inoue… I love you now and always will… Don't hurt yourself, and I promise I won't cut myself anymore." He could see the pure joy dancing in in her eyes, and he flashed a rare smile of relief as he found the familiar sparkle of merriment and cheer in her eyes once more.

The warm, soothing sensation from before coursed through him again, and he was certain that this time, it was going to last. _Because she loves me and I love her._

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And that's it! Hope you've enjoyed, and please don't hesitate to leave a review! Your reviews keep me going!


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